The secret lives of Apple developers

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Apple used its strongest Attenborough voice to poke a little fun at its 2018 WWDC attendees on Monday. The keynote’s opening video called back to last year’s mega-hit BBC documentary series Planet Earth II and provides the viewing public, for perhaps the first time, a look into the migratory and social habits of the elusive Developer tritorapsis. Nature is a cruel and unforgiving mistress, to be sure, but not nearly as cruel as Apple’s PR department is in this promotional video.

According to Apple, D. tritorapsis is a unique species of the Developer genus. They’re found on every continent worldwide, save for Antarctica, and exhibit a wide range of morphologies specifically adapted to their local programming environments. But no matter where they are found, each member of this species is imbued with a profound instinctive drive to make an annual pilgrimage to the San Jose Bay Area, on North America’s West Coast, in order to pay fealty to the organization which first bore them into existence, Apple Inc., as well as its deified leader, Tim Cook.

Though the video incorrectly references them living in caves (which hasn’t been the case since the genus Wozniaki began walking fully erect some 6.5 decades ago), Developers will actually emerge every 11.5 months from their apartments and shared co-working spaces like vitamin D-deprived, unwashed cicadas to make this trek.

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